End of it All
Current mood: sad

Do you ever feel like youre losing a battle internally, that you are watching your life turn into something you dont recognize...
then maybe you feel like me.
I am so sad, constantly...trying to keep out of trouble, come to terms with my friend who passed away, go to therapy, fix my relationship with my boyfriend, fix my brain with meds...

i feel like i do more than others to try and better their situation, and I dont feel like its fair. All good i do, is over shadowed by the bad Ive done.
Im tired of being trashed for past mistakes, when Im actively changing who I am for the better.

I just dont quite know how i got where I did...but Ive learned to take every day as just another day I wake up and see something beautiful.
Ive learned to realize there is beauty in everything...and I mean everything...

I miss alan a lot lately...I see so much of him in people who knew him best...

I love him so much, I just wish i could tell him one more time...or every day for the rest of my life...whichever Im allowed to have.